Yesterday, as I sat in a pediatric dentists’ waiting room, watching Baby-Ko play with toys that had inevitably been contaminated by swine flu and every other contagious disease, a weird thing happened: I felt bad for Britney Spears. Though this feeling was probably brought on by a lack of caffeine and the outdated tabloid magazines lining the walls, it was an odd thought that came over me. (BTW, Doctors: would it kill you to rotate in some US Weekly’s from the new millennium?I know Ben Affleck and J-Lo broke up. Please.) I remembered the gossip and stories that emerged when Brit started to go nutso and the accusations claiming ...Read More
Dear Bangs,
While looking through old photos the other day, I found a photo taken of me in 1st Grade… It must have been around Thanksgiving time because half the class is wearing what appears to be Pilgrim hats (made out of construction paper), while the other half dons Indian Chief hats (it was okay to say “Indian” back then. We didn’t know).
Anyway, Bangs, this was in 1982…. which means I was 6…. which means we’ve been together for 27 years. We’ve grown up together, you and I… And though I never EVER strayed (with the exception of a very long/side swept thing I tried right after college), for all ...Read More
Thanks to another informative and entertaining episode of Sesame Street, Baby-Ko’s word of the week (not to be confused with Murray’s “Word on the Street”) is “ANGRY….” (pronounced: “ANGA-REE.”) There’s a segment with Cuba Gooding Jr. talking about the word “angry” — only, every time he refers to the word “angry,” the word “angry” keeps running off screen, causing Cuba to get increasingly, you guessed it: ANGRY! “Really, really angry!”
I’m pretty sure that up until now, this fine piece of media was the only time Baby-Ko heard this word and saw what it meant (at the same time). But obviously, it stuck. In fact, it’s now one of ...Read More
As a mom, I try really hard to do the right thing. I try to be organized. I try to be patient. I try to be thoughtful. I try to anticipate the needs and wants of my very strong willed and curious (two year old) child by being prepared. And I certainly try to handle all situations, where said personality traits can push ones buttons, with grace (and speed).
I TRY.
So, when Baby-Ko accompanied me to a very crowded and not so kid friendly Home Depot, you can imagine how hard I TRIED to explain to him why roaming the aisles (without holding my hand) wasn’t really an ...Read More
Last night I slept on the floor. Yes. The floor. Next to Baby-Ko’s crib. In a fetal position. Using his changing pad as pillow, and my robe as a blanket, I managed to squeeze my arm through a slat so that my son, my very (possibly terrible) two year old son, could hold my hand, and eventually (pray god) fall the eff asleep.
Two hours and one majorly numb hip later, I gently removed my hand from his grip, and literally crept out of the room cursing every creak my exhausted knees caused as I crawled down the hallway.
For about a week now, I have broken every rule in THE sleep ...Read More
If you are here and reading this, good. If you are here and reading this, after trying to figure out how come it took you so long to figure out how to be here and reading this, sorry. And thank you.
Without getting in to it, let’s just say my shit was hijacked– my domain name basically expired or lapsed (without me knowing) and somebody swooped in and seized it. Apparently this is done all the time… an opportunity for someone to make some money I assume, as I will have to now get in a bidding war with a complete stranger over what is essentially MY identity — I mean, ...Read More
About 15 years ago, as I laid in bed practically hallucinating from a horrible flu/fever watching what seemed like the most magical infomercial ever, I decided I needed the Mob Hits CD Volume 1…. And 2. I think I had just written a paper on “Good Fellas” and must have been in the mafia mode (or just craving pizza), and just had to have it. (Plus it was free shipping and handling, and I think they were offering a snow globe too. It was a deal. Trust). I probably listened to it once or twice and that was that… It got buried with my Edie Brickell and Toad of the ...Read More
Discipline. The D Word. Something I’ve never been very good at when it comes to myself (diet, exercise, french fries etc.)… and something I’m realizing that I’m not so great at when it comes to my son. Shortly after Baby-Ko turned 1 and started “testing,” I remembered the pride I felt when a mere look or simple redirection of attention settled his urge to do the “don’t” and I certainly didn’t need to use the evil “N” word. I had mastered parenting at an early age (both mine and his), and I thought whoever invented “time out” could just suck it. My kid’s GOOD. Really good… ...Read More
For the first time in what feels like forever, it finally feels like fall here in Sunny LA. Sure, fall in LA means 72 degrees (i.e. a cute cotton scarf over a short sleeved v-neck tee) and is considered kind of “p*ssy” compared to the big boy cities that really do experience four seasons… We may not feel the onset of football, turtlenecks, and “hot totties” (or whatever it is you East Coasters do in October), but we do feel the “boot effect” come in to play, and you know what people: In my opin, it’s better than hot apple cider and raking leaves. To me, there ...Read More
Last Friday I turned Thirty… Three. Considering there are so many shifts and changes in my world, including a show/job that has taken me to New York this week, my birthday was really wonderful, sweet, and happy….
It’s hard to believe that 15 years ago, I moved to this city in the hopes of becoming an “act-toorrr.” I wanted to do “theee-Ate-er,” wear black, smoke cigarettes, and “act from my soulllll….” Okay, I wasn’t that affected, but I did smoke cigarettes… a habit I picked up after my freshman RA at NYU introduced us to the Silver Bullet Deli that would happily deliver cigarettes and a bottle of water at ...Read More
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