June, 2008

Okay, after tonight I promise not to blog about “The Bachelorette.” Wait. Take that back. I can’t promise because there is still the final episode, but I will at least make a solid attempt. Let me start by saying that I had hoped that Graham would make a dramatic appearance …. Deanna would walk on the beach, under the sunset, after her dates with Jeremy, Jason, and Jesse (hi, all J’s…), and she would say that she can’t stop thinking about him (I sure couldn’t) and wants him back. But NO. She got over it fast and rightfully so. She had fantastic and fun dates with Jason and ...Read More
With my five year anniversary approaching next week, I have been racking my brain trying to think of a great gift for T-Ko (preferably one that doesn’t involve killing hookers). And considering that I just spent a small fortune on the said XBox 360, I would love to find something that doesn’t break the bank and/or lead to future marital problems… Well, ironically, this morning on the Today Show there was a follow up segment about this couple who wrote a book about having SEX 101 DAYS IN A ROW. Yes, in a row. No excuses. No ifs, ands, or “butts.” As I listened to the couple brag to Meredith ...Read More
To my loyal readers (Mom), I would like to make something abundantly clear: While I thoroughly enjoyed last night’s episode of “The Bachelorette,” it is most certainly NOT my favorite Monday night program. Oh, no. “The Bachelorette” is ALWAYS watched on DVR at the end of the evening, after T-Ko has once again, dominated the remote control and watched his share of “Cops” and “Girls Gone Wild” type programming AND of course, “AMERICAN GLADIATORS” (the best show in spandex on TV). WHY? Why you ask do we watch American Gladiators, the best 80’s revival show EVER??? Well, first and foremost, T-Ko works on the show. Second, his paycheck allows for ...Read More
I am ashamed to admit it, but I am hooked on this season’s “Bachelorette” (ABC). I usually cringe watching dating shows especially since I’ve worked behind the scenes on some of them. But tonight, I found myself utterly enthralled and almost on the verge of tears…. Okay, quick recap: Deanna (the bachelorette) is down to 4 guys. Her favorite of the 4 is Graham, the hottest hottie of the bunch. Despite his gorgeousness, Deanna’s been skeptical about him; he’s been “holding back” and has had a hard time opening up. He’s that guy that we all have loved before- the guy where the chemistry is undeniable and ...Read More
The lecture in Wacky’s Class today was about using the word “NO.” Wacky said that our babies are entering a stage where they will begin to “test” us and that through repetition, will begin to understand consequences. She said that by saying “no” all the time we’ll sort of stifle their curiosity and exploration and that we should use the word “no” sparingly; it should be saved for 2 or 3 things and instances in your house that are dangerous….like the fireplace, or the stove, or daddy’s gun collection… Wacky said that if you use the word “no” too often, it becomes unimportant and has no meaning and can lead ...Read More
T-Ko just announced that he got a blow job from a hooker, ran her over, took his money back and went to buy a hot dog. (And you thought your husband was an asshole…) Aw. Shit. Cops just busted him. Good thing though… because if this “wild” streak keeps up, he’s going to develop carpal tunnel syndrome…
To: T-KOFrom: DHSent: June 14, 2008 9:51pmSubject: J-Ko’s BlogCAN’T WAIT TO READ J-KO’S BLOG ABOUT HOW SHE MESSED UP AND GAVE YOU A FATHER’S DAY GIFT THAT PLANTED YOU ON THE COUCH MESMERIZED BY ANIMATED SUPER HEROES PLAYING X BOX WHILE YOUR BABY SITS STEWING IN A DUMPY DIAPER*** PROPHETIC. SO yes, like a total schmuck/ sucker, I bought T-Ko an XBox 360 for father’s day. And not just ANY XBox, I bought him the top of the line XBox. (Apparently sales people at Target know how to upsell). He has been talking about this “toy” for months and months AND for months and months I have ignored his ...Read More
If I had a dime for every time I used to say “When I have a baby, I will never ______” and then actually DO “the never” once I had a baby of my OWN, I’d be a very rich girl. Well, today, I think I managed to do every “never” I have EVER declared… I had plans today to take my BFF to lunch for her birthday. I suggested we go to the Little Next Door because I have never been and because, let’s face it, 3rd street is a hell of a lot cooler than Ventura Blvd. As usual, my 8 1/2 month old partner in crime was ...Read More
Yesterday, as I sat praying that my 3rd cup of coffee would stir a little somethin’ up in the ol’ bowels, I caught a story on the Today Show that once again sort of shocked me. Ironically, it was about a woman who runs a potty training program out of her house called “Booty Camp.” I won’t go in to a lot of detail about this woman’s methods, but I will say this: Bitch Ca-Razy! Okay. Literally imagine 3 year olds, with their pants DOWN, sitting next to each other on beginner potties in a ROW, in THE MIDDLE of some lady’s kitchen. Their parents are watching and being given ...Read More
“Are you so excited to come with me?” I asked T-Ko as we got dressed.“Oh, yeah. Thrilled,” he said dryly. “I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life.” “You’ll be in a room full of women…”“Who cares? Their vaginas all look like Glad bags.”“What?! A glad bag?? Does MY vagina look like a ‘glad bag?'”“I don’t know. I never see it.”“Ha ha.” I quickly pull down my pants and flash T-Ko. (Mommy is sassy!)“Nope. It’s fine,” he says.“Phew,” I say sarcastically. Okay. I realize that T-Ko is not the “oooh, can I come with you to Mommy & Me” kind of Daddy, BUT I was hoping for a little ...Read More