being a good mommy

11.10.11
2
So…. you know how I tried that whole “go to your room and spew obscenities” thing a couple weeks back? Well, yeah… So it worked. For a brief period… For a few days, I went without hearing my little 38 pound mad scientist/dictator grunt his favorite one word: “fuckit.” When he needed to get out the “dammits” and the “assholes,” he fled to his room for some quality-tourrettes- alone-time and re-emerged relieved and ready to talk about worldly and important things like how we need to start bringing money to school because they’re trying to help “the poor HOPEless people” or how in heaven WE (me and him) will “share ...Read More
Without getting into a diatribe about the plight of the working mom and how no one will ever understand our woes and Debbie Downer cries of “waaaaaah waaaaaaah,” I would like to say simply: it’s not easy. Especially when your son attends a school where the majority of moms don’t work, or at least, are so involved in the minutia of the school it appears as if they don’t work/ need/want to work and the joys of planning a bake sale or book fair pales in comparison graduating from Yale Law. This is not to say that those women, some of my favorite, sweetest and dearest friends, to be exact, ...Read More
Do your parenting tactics change when you’re in public? Mine do. At home, I’m all rules, all Betsy Brown Braun and Wacky’s class up on my boy. I stick to my word and mean what I say. (Kind of). But when others are around, even close others, like family, my will to parent perfectly goes to shit. You’d think in public that you’d be more on your game, but No. Not me. I fall apart. I have no backbone and no follow through. Too scared to make a big move and too scared to do too little. The result? A whole lot of nothing. I’ve decided that by the time ...Read More
It’s easy to see where he got his devilish good looks…
08.30.11
4
My son asks a lot of questions. Always has. And while his curiosity and his need to know the details and inner workings of everything inside and out is inspiring and infectious (and entirely genetic), there are days, that I. Just. Can’t. Take. The. Questions. Especially when I have no answers… Or I do, but they don’t even make sense. For instance, I think a long time ago Jonah saw a video of Lady Gaga performing and then maybe Usher too, and they both were on stage and coming out of smoke. Okay, fine. Theatrics. Fantastic. BUT, now whenever J hears a song playing, he always asks: “Where does this singer ...Read More
06.17.11
2
I really don’t know when it happened. If I could just remember the day it all changed, why it all changed, and how it all changed, I think I’d unlock the key to parenting. When did my child start to need discipline? I mean, DIS.CI.PLINE. Like “do that again and you’re grounded for life” discipline. He’s only 3. Well, almost 4. And yet it seems like it was just yesterday that I was monitoring milestones and neurotically researching which solids were the best to introduce first. Bananas… peas… Berries, OY. The berries. Who cares that the AAP said you can introduce them as early as 6months. I just spent $300 ...Read More
06.13.11
4
There’s no denying it: I am a worry wort. I have been my entire life. From big to little reasons, I am queen of letting my fears spiral into a rabbit hole. However, HOWEVER— recurring equally as often as my shpilkes is my strong as shit, tough as nails, warrior-like spirit. The two sides of me- the scared vs. the brave live side by side, hand in hand and somehow manage to live happily ever after together. Here’s an example…. Last weekend, while away for a girls weekend to celebrate my BFF’s bday, I had a massive headache (3 vodka’s in 95 degree weather will do that). Not loaded with my ...Read More
Recently, I read an article written by a guy who recounts all the glorious ways in which motherhood “improved” his wife. Aside from the fact that she kind of sounded like a total bee (before babies), he talks about how motherhood has not only softened her but has also domesticated her. She now bakes, crafts, and is totally organized. Um. I have had the complete opposite experience. As an ACTUAL former type-a, anal retentive, utterly organized, ridiculously crafty and cute person, I’ve turned into a VIRTUALLY type-a, anal retentive, utterly organized, crafty and cute person. Meaning: It’s all in MY HEAD now. Those traits are there. Ready to emerge ...Read More
05.03.11
2
It all started about 9 months ago… It’s out of control now really. I had no intention of it getting this bad. The lying, the cheating, the sheer fabrication… But it’s my only hope sometimes. My only chance. Sometimes, it’s The. Only. Way. To. Get. My. Three. Year. Old. To. Get. In. The. Car. And. Quiet. HOWEVER, my days of lying may have come to an end. The kid is on to me. He knows that the sign in the public bathroom doesn’t say “Pee here, or you can’t get an ice cream.” He knows that Page 12 of the never ending book about a weird horse named Freelander ...Read More
01.31.11
4
Over breakfast… Me: (Holding up a grapefruit) Have you ever tried a grapefruit? Jonah: Yes. Ash-a-lee (his old babysitter) shared a grapefruit with me one time. Me: Did you like it? J: I did. (Pause). Mommy, how come Ash-a-lee doesn’t pick me up anymore? Me: Because she moved and is going to college. J: College???? Me: College. Yes, it’s a school for older kids. You go there to learn about the things you love. You study interesting things in college. J: Study?? Me: Yes, if you love numbers then you study math… If you love books and reading you study English. Or art… You could study art and about painting and drawing. (Pause). What do you ...Read More