It all started about 9 months ago… It’s out of control now really. I had no intention of it getting this bad. The lying, the cheating, the sheer fabrication… But it’s my only hope sometimes. My only chance. Sometimes, it’s The. Only. Way. To. Get. My. Three. Year. Old. To. Get. In. The. Car.

And. Quiet.

HOWEVER, my days of lying may have come to an end. The kid is on to me. He knows that the sign in the public bathroom doesn’t say “Pee here, or you can’t get an ice cream.” He knows that Page 12 of the never ending book about a weird horse named Freelander or something like that, doesn’t say “Time to get some rest! To continue reading, close book and start again tomorrow night.” AND he KNOWS that the street sign, or any other sign for that matter, (the grocery store, library, park, etc, etc) doesn’t ALWAYS mean “it’s closed.”
In fact, my bullshit parade is so transparent, that he even tried to pull a fast one on another child at a birthday party a few weeks ago. The party was a picnic at the park, so Jonah had his little T-Ball stand and bat with him. When the child, who was about 6 months or so younger than him, tried to share the bat, Jonah yanked it, pointed to the writing on the bat and said: “NO! It’s says, ‘No children except for Jonah can use this bat.'” Oops.
Sure, he’s clever and quick, but what about when he really can read? Am I screwed or is he? The other day while driving, he was pointing out letters on every sign he saw.
At one point he said, “S.T.O.P. Stop!” Brilliant.
“How about ‘H.O.M.E,'” I said virtually sounding out. “Do you know what that spells?”
“Pink Berry!” Right.
Perhaps this lying game can continue on for just a wee bit longer….
FILED UNDER: A Little Life

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  1. Thursday, May 5th, 2011
    LOL! Certain vegetables get this treatment. Daughter will eat sweet potatoes but not butternut squash, for instance. Funny, when you cut them into small chunks they look the same... Who says you can't get your kid to eat a variety of vegetables? Get one of each color on the GOOD list and you're in (as long as you're willing to do a lot of fine dicing). There is a name for this kind of lying and it's called Doing the Wrong Thing for the Right Reason!
  2. Alli B-C
    Thursday, May 19th, 2011
    hahaha soo funny!! miss you two soo much. I want to go to Pinkberry with little J!!