“Babe, any? Any resolutions this year?”
“Nope,” he yawned. “I’m good. You?”
Ha. Of course he had none. He’s a guy and well, “perfect.”
Me? Well, let’s just say for the next 15 minutes I carefully dissected myself, my flaws, my hopes and dreams for the new year and how all those things would intertwine, unravel, and shape up to become one perfectly perfect person. On January 6th.
Because the 1st was in the middle of the week and no one ever had a fresh start on a Wednesday.
So here we are. Officially, January 2014… and I have about 2014 goals for myself in the next 3 months alone. If you are thinking what I’m thinking (Bridezilla), then you’re so wrong. Though I’m at max capacity between work and wedding planning (Bridezilla), a toothless, 6 year-old ninja, showers and bachelorette parties (Bridezilla), I still have some things I want to accomplish (Bridezilla). And if I’m going to be frank (Bridezilla), then you should know these goals are entirely “surface” and only skin deep. Literally.
I want to get the best skin of my life. I’ve written this before, people. I know. But after 37 years, it’s time to take care! And it’s kind of now or never. Not really, but kind of. Aren’t you supposed to look the best you ever have at your wedding?! (BRIDEZILLA!!!) It is because of this, and all things vain, that I’ve decided I need to amp up the regimen, call in the gods of beauty and channel those passive aggressive women at Bloomies who suck me in to point out, ever so politely, my age spots, wrinkles, and under eye puffiness. Also, honey, you need to try this eye lash primer. As you age, they really start to thin out.
So here’s the plan… well for starters, 1. A monthly facial (would you believe me if I told you I’ve had one my whole life!), 2. Nightly face washing (a novel concept, I know), followed by 3. Murad “rapid lightening and age spot reducing” serum, 4. Some sort of intense wrinkle/ line reducer thing from Keihl’s, 5. A sample of La Mer’s hydrating night cream (see below and please note Murad in back) in which I will milk as long as I can because I am now broke due to steps 1 through 5, AND 6. The holy grail of them all….. Eye Balm by La Mer.
Repeat steps in morning… If you’re not still tied up from the world’s longest process the night before.
So here we are. Nine hundred forty five thousand dollars and 3 hours a day spent on my face later. But at least I have a plan, people. It’s not just Cetaphil and old Keihl’s samples from 2002 anymore. Oh, no. Mama’s moved up in the face food chain and I’m taking bitches down… Starting tomorrow. Tonight… I’m too tired to take off my mascara.
**Side note, this is in noooooo way a call to aforementioned brands to send me free samples of said products. At all. Just a girl… talking about her face… and love of brands… for her wedding. (Bridezilla).