Beyond the “Where Do Babies Come From”
Good news, friends. My 7 year old now knows all about my uterus, my hormones, and also my amniotic sac… Well that is, my amniotic sac rupturing. You see, my child – my sweet, silly, sweaty, and ridiculously curious child – wants TO KNOW THINGS NOW and he isn’t really interested in a basic, sugar-coated, “see there’s this Stork and he flies in with the baby,” type of answer. NO. This kid wants raw, unfiltered, uncut, pure truth.
And this mom, (hand raised here), has not not had enough (let me rephrase: ANY) caffeine in the last 5 months to manufacture 1st grade appropriate responses. So I speak to him like an adult. Or an 8th grader. Or a 1st grader. I don’t know. But when you’re walking to school and out of THIN air your child asks, “HOW did you know you were pregnant, and I know you pee on a stick… I mean, HOW did you know to take the test AT THAT POINT,” you better come up with something good:
Me: Well… (Deep swallow) The lining of my uterus didn’t shed.
J: Your uterus? What’s a uterus?
Me: It’s the sac in my tummy where the baby is growing.
J: It sheds?
Me: Yes… well every month, the lining in a woman’s uterus builds up and waits for an egg to embed itself and start making a baby…
Disclosure: I fully recognize that my explanations are an awesome indication of the fact I sucked at Science and majored in theater arts and have zero knowledge of my own body. That for another time though…
Me: … and well, if the egg doesn’t embed, then the lining sheds, and you are not pregnant.
J: Wait, where does the lining shed to?
Me: My vagina.
J: (He smiles a bit only because I’m pretty sure he knew where this convo was heading… and we were 15 feet from the school crosswalk) What does it look like when it sheds?
Me: A little blood. It’s called menstruation.
J: So you didn’t have that?
Me: Nope. My lining didn’t shed.
J: Did you think something was wrong?
Me: Nope. I thought I could be pregnant… And I was.
J: Then you peed on a stick?
Me: Yes, then I peed on a stick.
J: Can I download a game on your phone?
Me: Huh- what? No. We’re walking into school right now.
J: I know, but I was such good listener.
Me: Nice try.
If I wasn’t too tired, I’d write more about the time a couple weeks ago I got a little weepy, (i.e. hormonal) and Jonah asked why I was crying and so I said, “Well… there’s these things called hormones.” It was a super botched attempt at explaining estrogen and pregnancy — but I basically said, “Hormones can make you a little weepy. A little sensitive. Maybe even cranky…”
“Well,” he shook his head and smiled. “Good thing that will aaaaall just STOP once the baby is born. Right?”
“Right.” Because there are some truths that just don’t need exposing…