Sure, I could blog about the woman today at Babies R Us who said “Ooh-ew” when Baby-Ko sneezed in her direction… or I could talk about the advice I gave to my Grandmother regarding her love life… or I could talk about a 52 year old contestant named Yoko on “American Gladiators” who got her ass kicked by Crush and will need more then just a bone density test the next time she sees her doctor….
BUT NO. I’m not going to talk about any of that. WHY? WHY?? Because it was the season finale of “The Bachelorette” and was as delicious as the meatloaf that I made for dinner. By the way, I know I sound like I’m a “take out/ defrost it” kind of a mom, but believe it or not, I’m Susie fucking home-maker. But I digress…
Okay, so tonight, Deanna brought snowboarder Jesse and cute daddy Jason to meet her big fat hick Greek family. Jason and Jesse showed up at the same time and without a doubt, Jason stole the show while Jesse (who’s new haircut looked really good actually) just seemed like a fish out of water. Speaking of water, I hate to sound bitchy and I know those in glass houses blah blah blah… but did anyone else catch a glimpse of Deanna’s ass in a bikini? Look, I personally think she is beautiful and looks fantastic, but her body (as far as typical “Bachelor” bodies go) seemed thicker than normal. That said, she is NORMAL and she probably just put on a few pounds due to all the boozing they do on their dates. Hello, bloating.
ANYWAY, at the final rose ceremony, as Jason got out of his limo and started to do his little run/skip towards Deanna, I got a little nervous. I’m not sure if it was that his suit pants looked a little too short (a big ugly no-no for me) OR if it was when when T-Ko looked up from his computer and said, “What’s wrong with this dude?”
“Stop. He’s my guy,” I warned.
But Jason got down on his knee and Deanna STOPPED him. I GASPED. I mean, I’ve mentioned before that I actually used to work in reality television so I can smell BS a mile a way, but guess what, mommy was 100% convinced that Jason was the one. But apparently, I have mush for brain like the rest of America…. When Jason hugged her goodbye and whispered in her ear, I had to replay it like ten times to hear what he said. I’m pretty sure he said “I’ll miss you, ” but T-Ko said, “you know what he said? ‘Yo Soy Pequena Amy Winehouse.'” (Clearly, T-Ko does not understand the severity of Deanna’s decision tonight but you really should do yourself a favor and check out http://www.boingboing.net/2008/03/08/la-pequena-amy-wineh.html)
When Jesse proposed to Deanna with “Will you spend forever with me?” I was a little shocked, but she seemed genuinely happy and in love. As Jason gave his final thoughts in the limo though, I was sad. But guess what, Jason’s going back to sleepless in Seattle and that guy’s gonna get more you know what thrown at him than he will know what to do with. So I’m feeling less and less sad for him by the second. Mark my words, they’ll probably be some spin-off show with Jason, where he’ll be set up with a dozen other single mom’s all in the hopes of finding love, blah blah blah. In the meantime, Jason, if you read this, go on J-Date. Doesn’t matter if you’re not Jewish. Plenty of nice girls, ready to settle down who want someone “safe AND fun.” Although, I would suggest letting out the hem on your suit pants first… My girls tend to be a particular bunch….