It’s nearly midnight and I have about a dozen things left to do…. Tomorrow I leave for an 8 day trip to Hawaii with my boyfriend and another couple. Eight Days. Without my son. 8. The longest I’ve ever been away from him, and (not withstanding my backpacking/smoking tour through Europe post-college), one of the longest trips I’ve ever been on in general. Oh wait, I forgot about the cruise to Europe with my family, and the cruise through the Panama Canal too… and the trip to Hungary… Never Mind. I’ve traveled a lot and for long periods. The point is, never this long away from Jonah.

I’m not going to lie and tell you how tragic and how guilty I feel. I don’t feel guilty (which at some point will cause me to feel guilty about not feeling guilty). I feel okay with it. I feel like he’s at an age that it’s okay, acceptable, appropriate… I feel like not only does he have a dad that loves him and his more than capable of taking care of him, but he has a chance to spend a long period with a dad that loves him and is more than capable of taking care of him: He is lucky. And he’s beyond excited for this “extended stay.” Plus, we’ve been talking about this and working up to it for quite some time. What, you don’t think I would just spring something on him do you? Please. I am a good mom….. I have and will go to great lengths to stay connected…
See exhibit A. (Well, I’ll just tell you about it… because the file is too big and I’m tired). 
Using logos and images of like a palm tree symbolizing me in Hawaii, or a picture of his dad, or a picture of a soccer ball, I made a calendar for him which details every aspect of his day…. Who’s picking him up, where he’s going, what he’s doing and where I am through it all. Not bad, right?
See exhibit B. (Again, you’ll need to just trust that I’m doing this)…. 
We will likely Skype or Facetime at some point too… 
I mean, not much more I can say about that.
The point is, I’m leaving my son and confident that I’ve done everything I can to prepare both he and I for this trip. 
So with that, allow me to take this moment to say: I’ll post something again the week of the 14th. By then the sound of crashing waves and pina colada refill cravings will have subsided…. along with some of the guilt I’m sure that’ll creep up the minute I land… It always does…. It always does….
Have a good week!
FILED UNDER: A Little Life

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  1. Alli B.C.
    Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012
    Yes, you are a wonderful mom! You are, in fact, By far one of the best Momma's I know! I hope you had an absolutely AMAZING time in Hawaii-- on your much needed & much deserved Vacation!
    P.S. I tried to post this awhile back & also wish u a Happy Mommy's Day- but it wasn't hopefully I didn't waste time trying again..
    Love. Love. Love!