Remember back in the day when you played Tetris or Mario Brothers and you closed your eyes at night, and all you could see was the game?  Blocks falling in to place. Mario jumping over a brick wall… Luigi throwing a fire ball….  Well, a similar thing has happened to me with Facebook…..

As I waited for T-Ko outside the men’s restroom at the Laker game, my blackberry buzzed– I had two new notifications on Facebook. Someone had commented on my status.  As many of you Facebook junkies know, there is a tool on FB that allows you to update people with your status. “J-Ko is….” and then you fill in the blank. “J-Ko is… driving.” etc.  So I wrote  “J-Ko… is being escorted to the AM 570 suite by Vic the Brick. hilarious.”  (which is a whole other story in and of itself)…
Anyway, for whatever reason, for the rest of the night, everything I thought or said, came out in the form of status updates. I couldn’t stop.   I was annoying myself.  It reminded me of when I was an assistant and I always thought I heard phones ringing — Only this time, all I heard was me. “J-Ko is… wondering why the woman sitting next to her thinks that hat looks good on her….” “J-Ko wonders how smelly the players must be…” “J-Ko is … trying to hold in a fart.”  
Then I started think how funny it would be if everyone actually wrote the gods honest truth on their status updates…. It certainly be more interesting than hearing that “Cathy is… feeding her cats” or some boring bullshit happy new new year update that we’ve all been guilty of. 
So I decided, since I’m in a sassy-tell-all sort of mood, that I’d share a couple of my secret status updates/thoughts with you. After all, my 329 best peeps ( make that 346 bf’s!) don’t need to know everything I’m thinking….  
J-Ko is blogging (when she should be working)…
J-Ko is wearing tight jeans and wonders if her muffin top is obvious to everyone.
J-Ko has a wedgie so bad but her fucking  jeans are too tight to do anything about it.
J-Ko could probably use a mint and is thankful she’s not sitting too close to anyone right now.
J-Ko has had to pee for about a half hour and is too lazy to get up from her desk to go….

 Actually. I do have to go.  Now it’s your turn:
What are some of YOUR secret status updates???
FILED UNDER: A Little Life

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  1. DUP
    Thursday, January 8th, 2009
    DUP wants his 3 minutes back.
  2. Thursday, January 8th, 2009
    3 Minutes? You're a slow reader.