Tonight I saw a promo for a local news segment on a product called Betty Color and I literally had to pause it and rewind it like ten times. Granted, it was channel 9 news which is generally garbage, but they were running a segment on an apparent growing trend:  Dying Pubic Hair.  
I KNOW.  I mean, we all know that for most women, the carpet doesn’t match the drapes.  But does it matter? No one’s ever met a dumb blonde and looked at her black pubes and thought, “hmmm, maybe she is smart after all.”  
When so many women, including myself, put themselves through torturous scenarios to try to tidy up and get rid of “split ends” so to speak, what I find hilarious is that this product seems to encourage the idea of a “full head of hair.”  Obviously, there are times throughout the month and year when your “do” could use some upkeep and some tendin’ to (I’m all for hibernating in the winter). But this product seems to endorse length. In order for their plethora of color dye options to work, you’ve gotta have something to work with…  Unless, of course you want your crotch to look like Susan Powter’s head back in the day….
Ever wanted to dye your hair crazy colors??? Welllll you are in luck!  Use “Fun Betty” and you can shock your lover with a big PINK hoo-ha. Feeling BLUE?  Just try “Malibu Betty.” Need a stocking stuffer? Just buy your gal “Holiday Betty!” This festive one comes in GREEN or RED and is sure to make your man say “ho ho ho!” 
AND… For those of you that are feeling  like you need to literally MARK your territory, try Betty’s “CHARM-CILS.” That’s right! For $7.99 you can choose from one of 8 stencils. Feeling groovy? Try a PEACE SIGN. Need some cash?  Pimp a $ sign.  Ever wanted to be a FIRE CROTCH? Just stencil in a LIGHTENING sign!  Yes, my friends, the possibility for a truly unique hoo ha is endless….   
And here I was thinking that Obama’s in and Bush is out…. (Ba da dum)…

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  1. Monday, November 10th, 2008
    Too funny!

    I think you should patent that stencil idea. Especially the "$" one.
  2. Monday, November 17th, 2008
    Yet another fun anagram. This time for Ugly Betty: [yet by glut].