32. Flip it around and it’s 23. Ha. That was a fun age… It’s hard to believe that was 9 YEARS ago. Actually, it’s hard to believe that exactly one year ago today, I was 9 DAYS away from giving birth to a beautiful baby boy.  My birthday took a backseat to the state of my pregnancy (the peeing every ten seconds, my bulging varicose veins, the intense heartburn). It was pretty hard to celebrate the idea of turning 31 when there was so much else to look forward to.  
Now, one year later (peeing normally and taking tums only when needed), I am closing one chapter to my life and opening another. While 32 isn’t really a “big” birthday, there are so many things going on that feel significant- that make me feel older and changed (not counting the grey hair that I noticed. Crap.)…  
For starters, as mentioned on a previous post, I’m returning to work in a couple weeks. Returning to work is a huge step on so many levels, of course… There are feelings of guilt…Deciding between day care or a nanny… dealing with the notion of 1st time separation from your child… wondering how you will formulate a sentence amongst adults when you can barely get through a round of “Goodnight Moon” without wanting to doze off…. so many things.
On top of all that, I am also having to say goodbye to our weekly Mommy & Me class. Yep, no more Wacky. I’m actually pretty bummed. First of all,  I started taking Wacky’s class when Baby-Ko was 12 weeks old. I have made a really nice group of friends from the class and will not only miss our chaotic post-class lunches, BUT will of course miss dishing about Wacky’s wackiness.  Second of all, I’m so bummed because Wacky told us that these two daddies would be joining us (they are life partners) with their 1 year old. I could have had Mommy & Me GAYS?! That sucks. 
ANYWAY, the point is… this is a great birthday. In addition to the wonderful gifts I’ve received and the delicious dinner I’m currently exploding from, I feel incredibly lucky to be in the position that I’m in right now. As scary as it kind of is, it’s kind of neat to be at an age where you’re making decisions and doing things that you always heard other people talking about or that you always wondered and thought about. Life decisions. Adult decisions. I AM IN IT.  And I’d take this thrill ride over the easiness of 23 any day…. WITHOUT the grey hairs, of course…
FILED UNDER: A Little Life

Leave a Comment