Everyone who knows me well, knows that I am kind of a hypochondriac. Aside from the fact that I lost interest after Doug Ross & Dr. Greene left the show, I had to stop watching ER because by the end of the episode, I had every condition they were treating (including the injuries from car crashes). Thank god, these days, my hypochondria seems to be at an all time low. I’m not sure if having a child has “cured” it, or “Grey’s Anatomy” isn’t really a medical drama, but I am certainly enjoying living without a “disease du jour.”

However, I could NOT believe my ears this morning when I heard an interview on The Today Show with a woman named Jennifer Buettner and her husband Dennis. Apparently, after taking care of a niece that was constantly complaining of being sick, Jennifer decided the best way to cure the little girl’s hypochondria was to give her “a pill” that would make her feel better and take whatever was ailing her away. SO, after Jennifer gave her a Motrin to pacify the kid, she got to thinkin’… I should create a FAKE pill to make kids feel better when they feel bad, ONLY, it won’t be real. We will trick them!!!

That’s right, folks. Jennifer and her (shouldn’t be wearing a striped shirt on television) husband invented a PLACEBO PILL FOR CHILDREN that parents could give their kids when they have a non life threatening illness and medical attention isn’t necessary, and they want to make their kids “feel better.”

HOLY SHIT!!! This is wrong on so many levels, I don’t even know where to begin!!

1) First of all, as a former/current hypochondriac, I can tell you the last thing I want when I’m “sick” is a pill. Most hypochondriacs I know (okay, just me) are scared of pills. I would never take ONE PILL that would supposedly cure me of a tumor AND kidney stones. I’m not a sucker. Speaking of sucker, let’s address issue number 2: LYING TO KIDS.

2) Whether your kid is truly sick or just “sick” (and probably just really needs a hug or attention), why would you ever use medicine as a tactic to TRICK THEM?? With the incidences of accidental overdoses in homes with children so high, why would you ever confuse a child and/or risk them finding out that their medicine is just “candy?”

3) I don’t know about you, but giving my baby medicine is always a LAST RESORT. If I have to give him medicine, even Infant Tylenol, it means he is SICK and that the ONLY way he will get better is if he takes the medicine. In an already over prescribed and over medicated society, I think it is so dangerous to encourage children to think that a pill is the answer to everything. Hello, little pill poppers!

4) Finally, have you ever known of a child to ASK for medicine?? Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe, if Julie Andrews flew down and gave him a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down, Baby-Ko could be swayed to swallow his meds without freaking out. But most likely, he will always resist. And I can’t blame him.

Look, I know I’m only 8 months in and no expert in the world of all things “Parent,” but I am happy to announce that Jennifer and Dennis’ placebo pill will not be making it into the J-Ko household.

I’m also happy to announce that I just finished watching the season finale of “Grey’s Anatomy” and I’m pretty sure the tingling I have in my stomach is just gas and not 3 tons of quick drying cement slowly crushing all of my vital organs. Now, I can guarantee you, they don’t make a pill for that!

FILED UNDER: A Little Life

Leave a Comment


  1. Wednesday, May 28th, 2008
    After watching the Grey's finale, I wondered if the pain I felt in my stomach was from the 2 hours worth of crying I did.

    Do you think they make a pill for that?
  2. Thursday, May 29th, 2008
    I found your blog post because that ding bat shares my name and I get a google alert whenever MY name is posted online. I whole heartedly agree with you and cringe now whenever I see her in the news. Maybe I should start spelling my NAME backwards.
  3. Thursday, May 29th, 2008
    thats just SICK