Everyone always warns you that when you have babies your sex life goes down the tubes and pretty much ceases to exist. And while I normally wouldn’t discuss our sex life with anyone, let alone millions of strangers on the internet (okay fine, just my sister who is the only person I know reading this), something happened to us last weekend that made me understand that warning that our friends heeded….
T-Ko had gotten us, and a bunch of friends, tickets to go to the Dodgers game at the Coliseum marking their 60th anniversary in Los Angeles. We both grew up in L.A. rooting for Dodger blue so we were both pretty excited, especially T-Ko. He has a bunch of Dodger gear that he had taken out for the game but was most excited to wear a Sandy Koufax jersey that a friend had given him from this famous store in Philadelphia. I have no idea the name or of it’s importance, but apparently it’s very cool and very special. Whatever, maybe it’s like getting a real Hermes scarf at the Hermes store in Paris…. I don’t know.
Anyway, the game was scheduled for Saturday night so we made arrangements to have my mom come and baby-sit. We told her to be at our house by 3ish so we could get ready and leave early since traffic would surely be a nightmare. Well, at like
2:45pm we put Baby-Ko down for a nap and T-Ko seized the opportunity and asked if there was any time for a “quickie.”
With my mom possibly minutes away, I asked, “How quick?”
“Quick. Trust me.”
Fine. Count me in. My hair still needed straightening and I remembered there were some stray hairs on my brows that needed tweezing that I had noticed earlier in the day. Stadium lights are brutal. I have things to do.
Just as T-Ko and I get our party started, we heard KEYS in the front door. T-Ko froze.
“Grammy’s here!” My mom yelled from the living room. DUH! She has her own set of keys!
“Shit!” T-Ko jumped up and ran into our bathroom. I quickly ran to my door and peeked my head out to my mom and tried to whisper, “Baby’s sleeping. We’re, um, getting dressed. We’ll be right out. Baby’s sleeping…” I said again so that she wouldn’t be tempted to go check on Baby-Ko since his room is next to ours.
My mom shrugged and I shut the door. Phew. Operation quickie back in effect. Let’s proceed.
“C’mon. Let’s do it. ” I said to T-Ko on a mission. “She thinks we’re getting dressed.”
“But what if she can she hear us?” T-Ko said like a high school boy about to get caught.
“I don’t know… Just pretend we’re talking about what we’re going to wear… ”
“Okay,” he said and we RESUMED.
“So-what-should-I-wear?” I said mechanically.
“Um…I don’t…” T-Ko was having a hard time playing the game.
“Jeans and a sweater. Or sweatshirt…?”
“Sweatshirt!” He was “pretending” a little too loud.
“Shhh!” I giggled. “Okay. Sweatshirt. What about you?”
“My jersey…” He trailed off.
“Oh, your jersey…” Shit, I was trailing off too.
“Yes, your jersey. Your jersey….” Playing pretend was getting tougher by the second. “Which one?”
“What??” Poor T-Ko. “I don’t-“
“You should wear your Koufax one… Wear your Koufax one… Your Koufax….”
“That’s it?” I whispered. T-Ko shot me a look.
“Sorry. I mean, great!” I added, “You should definitely wear your Sandy Koufax one.”
We quickly kissed, and then high fived and got (re)dressed. My mom (until now. Sorry, mom) never suspected a thing.
Well, tonight we’ve got plans to grab margaritas and dinner with Charlie, Sara and G-Rat. T-Ko’s putting Baby-Ko to sleep now and we might have a few minutes to spare before my in-laws get here to baby-sit. And while Sandy Koufax kind of sex is a far cry from our good ‘ol days, at least it’s something. Besides, tonight T-Ko can stay an extra “inning” if he needs to… My in-laws don’t have keys to our house.