As I was searching through Baby-Ko’s book shelf today, trying to find something to read to him other than Goodnight Moon and US Weekly (shut up, he loves it), I stumbled upon a series of Jewish Books for children that someone gave to him at his bris (as if he really felt like reading that day). They’re called Sammy the Spider’s First _____ (Passover, Hanukkah, Sukkot, etc). Despite the fact that Purim was two weeks ago, I thought a little story about Queen Esther and Mordechai might be a bit more exciting than The Runaway-slit-my-wrists-crying-Bunny.

There are obviously reasons why Purim is an important holiday for the Jews, but because I didn’t pay very much attention in Hebrew school, you will not be privy to that information in this post. Besides, for me, Purim was, and will always be about one thing and one thing only: GOLDFISH. Winning a goldfish at a Purim Carnival for a Jewish child is seriously like a rite of passage. You go to the carnival not to see who is wearing the best costume, you go to dunk your fat Hebrew teacher in the tank and win a shitty Goldfish. Then you come home with the shitty goldfish in the shitty plastic bag and dump it into the shitty bowl with shitty rocks that you had already from the Goldfish you won the year before (and the year before that).

I was never very good at taking care of my fish. I hated to clean the bowl and forgot to feed them on a regular basis. They always died a few weeks or months after I brought them home, but year after year, I would make it my goal to win one. Finally, one Purim though, I walked into the house with the fish in the plastic bag and my mom looked at me and said, “Oy, not again!”
“I know, I know, ” I said and walked straight into the bathroom and dumped the goldfish into the toilet and FLUSHED.

That was the last Goldfish I ever owned. Fortunately, in a few years the tradition will start all over again and Baby-Ko will come marching in one day with his Purim prize. Hopefully, he’ll have a better sense of responsibility than I did, but I’ll leave
the toilet lid up for him just in case…

FILED UNDER: A Little Life

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  1. Thursday, April 10th, 2008
    You are too funny. I am so glad I found your blog. I look forward to reading 'em all and can't wait for the ones yet to be written. I even fwd'd your link to my friend in Tennessee. She needs to laugh, she lives in TN, for God's sake. So glad the LIST GOD posted your info in today's email. You are ranking right up there w/the LIST GOD in "my favorite people I don't know" book.

  2. Sanna
    Monday, December 17th, 2018
    Neglecting a pet is hardly funny. Please raise your kids to be kinder.