THE SERIAL COMPLIMENTER

So a few weeks ago, I get this email (via Facebook) from JC, a guy I went to high school with. We were in Drama together- I was THE drama girl and he was THE drama TECHIE. A very big difference in my opinion. It’s like the quarterback and the mascot. Two people on opposite ends of the social spectrum. Not that I was so popular that I was untouchable, but let’s just say he and I were not friends. So anyway, I get this email from him. He says that he found me on Facebook and had been looking for me for years and how happy he is to finally find me and reconnect. I was pretty shocked by his enthusiasm over finding me (I would have just accepted a “friendship request” posting rather than an email), but I thought it was sweet and I wrote back. My email was brief, giving him the jist of my life (married, baby, job, etc) and sent the requisite “keep in touch” closure.

He emails back. He tells me that we both work in the same industry (I knew his name sounded familiar) and tells me about his life a little bit. Then, he says he has to admit something. (Okay….) He says that he has had a crush on me since senior year and after college he moved back to LA and contacted everyone he knew from high school in hopes of finding me and asking me out on a date. He adds, “Now that I finally get back in touch with you you are gorgeous and married… What luck!”

The word lingers in my mind as I say it out loud. GORGEOUS. Here I am, sitting in my “homeless robe” as my husband dubs it, I have spit up in my hair, and my legs haven’t seen a razor since 1998. I am feeling far from gorgeous. I’m tempted to tell T-Ko who’s in the other room on his laptop (probably on facebook, but supposed to be, “he promises,” emptying the dish washer), but I decide to bask in the compliment. I read the email again, write a quick “thank you, you made my night” email and again the requisite “keep in touch” and press send. He’s a nice guy, I think, but I have no interest in talking again, unless he wants to play a correspondence free game of Scrabbulous (it’s the online version of Scrabble you can play on Facebook). “Crush” and “gorgeous” was all I needed to hear to get through another sleepless with my “teething” (okay, fussy) baby.

I logout, turn off the computer and get into bed. I’m awake and staring at the monitor waiting for the baby to make his midnight move when T-Ko climbs into bed.
“Someone thinks I’m gorgeous,” I turn over and tell him.
“Huh?”
“I got an email from a guy I went to high school with. He said he had a crush on me only to find me married and ‘gorgeous’,” I say emphasizing ‘gorgeous.’ T-ko looks at my face. I’m blushing.
“Oh my god. Are you like in love? Look at you, you’re so happy.”
“Yeah, I’m happy. I feel like a slob. That was really nice to hear.”
“I tell you that you’re gorgeous all the time,” he says.
“Yeah, but it’s after you make me pull your finger to fart. It’s hardly romantic.” Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, but T-Ko telling me I’m pretty isn’t the same as getting an email from some random guy after you’ve been married for 5 years. It’s fun and it made me still feel like I “got it.” Fortunately, T-Ko is not the jealous type and within minutes was snoring like a banshee. Ahh, love.

Over the next few days or so, High School Compliment Guy and I emailed back and forth. In each email though, he said stuff like “How did this guy win you over” and that I met my husband so fast, I didn’t even give him a chance to find me. Cute, I think, but a little much. Like I said, I really wasn’t even friends with the guy, let alone aware he had a crush on me. I dismiss the creepiness for a minute though and realize that he is single and moving to New York. Perhaps I can set him up with one of my best friends (who also went to high school with us.)

I call Lo and tell her about my new facebook friend. I tell her he’s moving to NY and maybe I should set them up. She has no idea who he is so I tell her that her sister probably remembers him because she was in drama too.
“Perfect,” she says, “She’s on instant message right now.” She IMs her sister and asks if she knows him.
“Uh oh,” Lo says laughing.
“What?!”
“She said she knows JC and she wishes he’d leave her alone.” She’s laughing. “Apparently, she ‘still has eyes that draw him in.'”
“Yuck!” I say.
“Yeah, he found her on Facebook and won’t leave her alone.”
OH MY GOD. He’s a serial complimenter of the worst kind. What a dork!
“Don’t even think of setting me up.”
I laugh, “Don’t worry. I’m hitting delete from my inbox now.”

Ha. So I’m not the only person he’s been “tracking down” for years. What a joke. What a loser, actually. I laugh it off and tell T-Ko who gives me a “told you this guy was creepy” sort of speech.
“So you think that he was full of shit when he said that I was gorgeous?”
“No, that’s the truth. Probably the only truth.” Aw. What a guy.

A few weeks later, I’m chatting with my girl Amac. We’re catching up and I remember that she used to work Serial Compliment Guy (we made the connection in one of our email exchanges).
“Oh, by the way,” I say, “Do you know JC?”
“Yes! What’s the deal with him?” She asks in sort of a freaked out way. “I’m going to be in NY and he wants to take me out for a drink.” I tell her the whole facebook story.
“Oh my god, J-ko! That’s so funny! He said the same thing to me… He told me that I ‘torture’ him and all this other shit… Ew. I’m so not meeting him for a drink.”
“Yeah, unless you’re desperate for a free drink, make different plans.” I say.

Even though the Serial Compliment guy is a total creep and it’s kind of sad he’s so desperate, I appreciate what his email did for me that night. Someone had a crush on me (spit up and all) and it made me feel great. Needless to say, since his M.O. was revealed, I have ceased emailing with him. (By the way, he even sent me a “did you get my last email? I think something’s wrong with my inbox.” Oy.) Well, thanks to fucking facebook, I’m still playing against him in a game of Scrabbulous. However, I am winning. And THAT, my friends, is GORGEOUS.

FILED UNDER: A Little Life

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